Mouse For Dinner
As you read this tail/tale, keep in mind that the whole thing happened over a 5-10 minute time period and is best accompanied by the theme from the Looney Tunes cartoons or better yet, Ride of the Valkyries.
After returning home from a recent dinner out, we noticed that our cat Moo was extremely interested in getting behind an antique wooden beer box. My first thought was "bug" or at worst "lizard." After putting our leftovers in the fridge, I went to move the box so that Moo could kill her quarry. Unfortunately, it wasn't a bug or a lizard but a small and lightening fast field mouse. This character was surely a descendant of Speedy Gonzales.
ZOOM!
(Cue music)
And WE'RE OFF!
Around the corner it went into the living room right under the nose of Spatz who showed his intense interest by yawning - what a cat. Moo was hot on the trail though with both my roommate and I bringing up the rear. The mouse went directly behind the couch where no breathing critter that SHOULD have been in the house could fit.
First, I pulled the couch away from the wall and Moo ventured forth but the mouse went under the couch. So I grabbed one end of the couch and lifted up and said "push the coffee table under this end of the couch" since Moo was now under the couch as well and I had no desire to make cat pancakes. The mouse made another break for it to the end table on the opposite side of the couch that was now a good two feet off the ground. We were now officially trying to avoid surfaces being perpendicular to the floor for the mouse to hide under so the end table ended up on one corner at a 45 degree angle. That mouse haven only lasted a few seconds and it rounded the next corner and was now behind the big screen TV.
With the couch and end table still up on one end and at strange angles, we moved on to the TV. Moo was expressing her frustration at not being able to get behind the TV so of course I grab one side of the TV and pulled it out of the alcove that looks like someone forgot to put in a fireplace when they built the house. Please also visualize that this TV is almost as tall as I am and wider than my arm span. In went Moo, the mouse was still there. Then I went over to the other side of the TV and pulled that forward as well. As with the couch, the mouse just moved from behind to under.
At this point, I decided that we needed all the troops and went to get our room-mate Rob. After a brief explanation of the situation, it was now a group effort.
"Can you bring me the broom?" Within seconds I was armed with a broom and a flashlight that could knock out an elephant. My comrades were armed as well... my partner had a long handled Swiffer duster and Rob was armed with a long 2"x2" that we use to secure the sliding glass door, clearly an item that keeps out burglars but not mice (note to self: write Congress member that mice should be monitored as possible weapons of mass destruction).
I was now lying on the floor looking for our tiny, but speedy, visitor. Imagine, if you can, that in this position and without hurting myself, I can only move at about the speed of a sea lion on dry land and I probably resemble one too. Somehow, the mouse knew that I was just such a target and made a dash immediately after I spotted it.
Remember a few lines back when we started rearranging furniture? Did you know that a wooden end table set on one corner at a 45 degree angle can become an object capable of inflicting incredible pain when met with the back of a head moving at the speed of light? Our little guest now had several companions, all with stars circling around them. They could have done a routine from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers across my forehead and I wouldn't have moved an inch.
Okay, so the head bashing thing didn't really happen but it was a vision that was crystal clear in my mind as this whole thing was turning into a disaster waiting to happen. The mouse was in no danger what-so-ever but the three humans, three cats, and 105 pound German Shepherd might as well have been trying to walk into Chernobyl.
For the next few minutes, the mouse dashed back and forth around the next corner and behind yet another couch that was clearly destined to be tilted on end more than once. There WAS also a stack of video tapes in the process of being converted to DVD sitting on the end table next to it. I imagine that from a mouse perspective, that must have looked something like a Road Runner cartoon where the pile of pianos comes crashing down on some poor creature that is passing by. Don't worry, just like the cartoons, the mouse survived without any damage and afterward, the tumbled stack provided a place to hide out at one moment. This just meant that video tapes eventually went flying everywhere as I chased in after the mouse with my faithful and potentially deadly broom.
We finally succeeded in herding the mouse around to the wall where the sliding glass door was. By this point, the cats had vacated the first floor of the house due to the obvious abundance of human insanity. As the mouse went flying past the sliding door the second time, I yelled "OPEN UP THE DOOR!" After a few more plays at 'mouse hockey' and my careful construction of the great barrier mouse wall on one edge of the door (consisting of one footstool, the end of the second couch, and a few carefully placed blankets), I literally threw my hands up and cried "VICTORY!!" as the mouse scurried out the door.
We laughed hysterically, as we had in a few scenes of this episode, and began putting the living room back in to some sort of order. The last big piece was to take the first couch off of the coffee table and push it back against the wall. We were almost able to do this after I got Moo out from underneath. One end back against the wall.... Second end.... scramble, scratch, mew.... Some nights, it really sucks to be a small, blind, AND black cat that we don't see every time. She ASSUMES that we see her whether it's noon or midnight. You know what happens when cats assume? They make humans out of us.
We apologized to trying to make Crepes NeeNee and after a few minutes of petting the dust off, kisses, and proclaiming our love for her, she was okay and purring again.
Sweaty and panting, I went upstairs to take a shower. Spatz was sound asleep on the bed as if none of this had happened. It clearly wasn't his concern and he felt that Moo had all the bases covered. Duchess was downstairs on her dog bed through all this, sitting patiently and watching. Somehow she knew that if she moved, she could get caught in the cross-fire.
And what about Moo? She's still looking for the mouse....
After returning home from a recent dinner out, we noticed that our cat Moo was extremely interested in getting behind an antique wooden beer box. My first thought was "bug" or at worst "lizard." After putting our leftovers in the fridge, I went to move the box so that Moo could kill her quarry. Unfortunately, it wasn't a bug or a lizard but a small and lightening fast field mouse. This character was surely a descendant of Speedy Gonzales.
ZOOM!
(Cue music)
And WE'RE OFF!
Around the corner it went into the living room right under the nose of Spatz who showed his intense interest by yawning - what a cat. Moo was hot on the trail though with both my roommate and I bringing up the rear. The mouse went directly behind the couch where no breathing critter that SHOULD have been in the house could fit.
First, I pulled the couch away from the wall and Moo ventured forth but the mouse went under the couch. So I grabbed one end of the couch and lifted up and said "push the coffee table under this end of the couch" since Moo was now under the couch as well and I had no desire to make cat pancakes. The mouse made another break for it to the end table on the opposite side of the couch that was now a good two feet off the ground. We were now officially trying to avoid surfaces being perpendicular to the floor for the mouse to hide under so the end table ended up on one corner at a 45 degree angle. That mouse haven only lasted a few seconds and it rounded the next corner and was now behind the big screen TV.
With the couch and end table still up on one end and at strange angles, we moved on to the TV. Moo was expressing her frustration at not being able to get behind the TV so of course I grab one side of the TV and pulled it out of the alcove that looks like someone forgot to put in a fireplace when they built the house. Please also visualize that this TV is almost as tall as I am and wider than my arm span. In went Moo, the mouse was still there. Then I went over to the other side of the TV and pulled that forward as well. As with the couch, the mouse just moved from behind to under.
At this point, I decided that we needed all the troops and went to get our room-mate Rob. After a brief explanation of the situation, it was now a group effort.
"Can you bring me the broom?" Within seconds I was armed with a broom and a flashlight that could knock out an elephant. My comrades were armed as well... my partner had a long handled Swiffer duster and Rob was armed with a long 2"x2" that we use to secure the sliding glass door, clearly an item that keeps out burglars but not mice (note to self: write Congress member that mice should be monitored as possible weapons of mass destruction).
I was now lying on the floor looking for our tiny, but speedy, visitor. Imagine, if you can, that in this position and without hurting myself, I can only move at about the speed of a sea lion on dry land and I probably resemble one too. Somehow, the mouse knew that I was just such a target and made a dash immediately after I spotted it.
Remember a few lines back when we started rearranging furniture? Did you know that a wooden end table set on one corner at a 45 degree angle can become an object capable of inflicting incredible pain when met with the back of a head moving at the speed of light? Our little guest now had several companions, all with stars circling around them. They could have done a routine from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers across my forehead and I wouldn't have moved an inch.
Okay, so the head bashing thing didn't really happen but it was a vision that was crystal clear in my mind as this whole thing was turning into a disaster waiting to happen. The mouse was in no danger what-so-ever but the three humans, three cats, and 105 pound German Shepherd might as well have been trying to walk into Chernobyl.
For the next few minutes, the mouse dashed back and forth around the next corner and behind yet another couch that was clearly destined to be tilted on end more than once. There WAS also a stack of video tapes in the process of being converted to DVD sitting on the end table next to it. I imagine that from a mouse perspective, that must have looked something like a Road Runner cartoon where the pile of pianos comes crashing down on some poor creature that is passing by. Don't worry, just like the cartoons, the mouse survived without any damage and afterward, the tumbled stack provided a place to hide out at one moment. This just meant that video tapes eventually went flying everywhere as I chased in after the mouse with my faithful and potentially deadly broom.
We finally succeeded in herding the mouse around to the wall where the sliding glass door was. By this point, the cats had vacated the first floor of the house due to the obvious abundance of human insanity. As the mouse went flying past the sliding door the second time, I yelled "OPEN UP THE DOOR!" After a few more plays at 'mouse hockey' and my careful construction of the great barrier mouse wall on one edge of the door (consisting of one footstool, the end of the second couch, and a few carefully placed blankets), I literally threw my hands up and cried "VICTORY!!" as the mouse scurried out the door.
We laughed hysterically, as we had in a few scenes of this episode, and began putting the living room back in to some sort of order. The last big piece was to take the first couch off of the coffee table and push it back against the wall. We were almost able to do this after I got Moo out from underneath. One end back against the wall.... Second end.... scramble, scratch, mew.... Some nights, it really sucks to be a small, blind, AND black cat that we don't see every time. She ASSUMES that we see her whether it's noon or midnight. You know what happens when cats assume? They make humans out of us.
We apologized to trying to make Crepes NeeNee and after a few minutes of petting the dust off, kisses, and proclaiming our love for her, she was okay and purring again.
Sweaty and panting, I went upstairs to take a shower. Spatz was sound asleep on the bed as if none of this had happened. It clearly wasn't his concern and he felt that Moo had all the bases covered. Duchess was downstairs on her dog bed through all this, sitting patiently and watching. Somehow she knew that if she moved, she could get caught in the cross-fire.
And what about Moo? She's still looking for the mouse....
Comments